I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
