So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
