turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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