How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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