I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
