am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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