3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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