So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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