My brain says no but my pants say off.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
