I have demons in me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
