he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
