He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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