i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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