I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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