Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
