miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
