You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
