It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
