Betty ford says i'm here all night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm having to shit out rocks
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