Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
