I look better un-naked...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
