Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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