guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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