no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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