I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He has the fingertips of a God
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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