dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
