dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
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Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.