Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.