I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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