Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird