A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
