Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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