I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
