Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
