one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
