Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i have two assholes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
