one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
