you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
