I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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