Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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