Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
