I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize