This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
