either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
