I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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