ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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