Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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