her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
