I want to have your abortion
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
