Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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