she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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