There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
