Will you blow on my dice?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
