She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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