How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think your dad took our porno
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
