If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
