i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can text with my tongue
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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