I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
