oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
