so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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