At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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