tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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