whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
