Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
