somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
