i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
