You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
