I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
