so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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