so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
