So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
