she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
